Mount Sinai, Egypt – 21st March 2010
I try and avoid physical confrontation, not for moral reasons or that I favour diplomacy but because I’m weak. I doubt I could fight my way out of a paper bag. I’ve never been in a fight, although I’ve been beaten up a couple of times. I’m pretty sure I never got a punch off.
Physical danger is normally pretty obvious, If you have your eyes open. Your body will dump adrenaline into your system and make a choice to fight or run away. I can run pretty fast, at least I used to.
Of course it is far more preferable to have your eyes open and avoid the obvious danger in the first place. The problem being I get a thrill about approaching where I think the line is. Sometimes, like the edge of a cliff, it is obvious, sometimes it’s not until it’s too late.
It’s the hidden danger, mental danger, the thoughts in my head, the perception of something being dangerous is far more of a worry.
It can paralyse you with procrastination.
The dreaded, what if….?
I know that it will work out in the end, it is never ever as bad as I think it might be. It’s just my mind’s survival instinct over riding rational thoughts. It’s job is to keep all of you in one piece and therefore is a natural pessimist.
The only way to grow as a an individual, to learn, to expand knowledge is to embrace new experiences and take them for what they are. It’s obvious really as that’s what children do, they haven’t had their mind filled with irrational thoughts.
Naturally I need to go into any new experience with my eyes wide open, otherwise I’ll get run over, I’m not a child anymore.
I’ll continue to do battle with myself, to fight the hidden danger, to strive to learn more, see more, embrace more and share more. I know it gives a vastly more fulfilling life than hiding away protected by my procrastination.