The Mountain in my Head

There is a mountain in my head that I constructed sometime ago to frame my philosophy on life.  I created it when I wanted to explain to a like-minded friend about how I was feeling after an extended period of travel.

There are two parallel worlds that are separated by a mountain.  One world is a the typical western environment of careers, extravagance, waste, greed and jealously.  A world were society directs you along the production line of working to buy shit you don’t need and traps you in a circle of debt to ensure it is fed.

Breaking free from this world is very hard as you have to challenge other people’s fears and perceptions.  You have to be the odd one out and no likes to be different.

I took far too long of allowing it to make me miserable and wallow in self-pity.  I realised that once you take control of your own life and stop acting like a robot you can actually change things. Not blaming someone else, not saying, ‘that’s just the way it is’, ‘that’s life’, ‘we all have to do it’.

There are 7 billion people on this planet of ours and they certainly don’t all live that way.

It seems common to call this place the ‘Real World’.

I thought so to, until I realised that was crazy, there is nothing real about it. It is a monstrous façade.  It is the Matrix.

My ‘Real World’ is on the other side of that mountain where I am free from other people’s fears and perceptions and I behave how I really am, not how I feel other people need me to.

The problem came at the end of a long period of travel.  I found myself sitting on top of that mountain, thinking, looking, searching, for a way to permanently exist in the world of my creation.  I had to walk back down the way I came to get money and each time a little piece of my soul would darken.

The longer and further I went the more my world became a distant dream.

My journey now is an attempt to live life on my terms.

I’m not looking for an answer, I’m not trying to find myself.

I’m not constraining myself by traditional measurements of time, distance and speed, all questions I am asked on a regular basis. If you can only see the point in such a trip by these measurements, good luck, I wish you well but feel you will ultimately be disappointed and unfulfilled.

What I am doing is looking for questions.  To explore myself, the world and the people who make it.

To live, rather than exist, I can not run out of that.

I am doing what excites me, as that is where happiness lives.  If I can share the story, entertain, amuse, help people along the way, get people thinking a different way then I will feel fulfilled.

I don’t know where the dots will lead, you can only join them looking back so I will focus on today, I will trust in the present, not the future.

The future is a fickle beast, forever changing it’s mind, who never does what you can predict. The present is an open, giving, trustworthy character. I know which one I want to deal with.

Worrying about what might happen gets you no where. Dealing with what is happening now, gets you moving.

One day I may arrive at Prudhoe Bay in Alaska and if I am right it won’t matter (to me), it’ll never be the end, it was never meant to be the end, it merely got me over the mountain and down the other side.